“We Have Feelings Too.” — men, ∞

Hey guys! This week’s blog post is a follow up of a previous one, “My Writing Style and Creative Process”. I’ve kept my promise!

Let’s get into it.

The idea that males who write to express their feelings are weak and “not masculine enough” is probably the most ridiculous thing anyone could believe. Before you are male or female, you’re human. There are specific traits that are mandatorily shared between the genders, characteristics outside of whether you have a penis or a vagina — our ability to think, the ability to love and to learn, and that list could go on forever.

In a book by the International Labour Organization titled “ABC of women workers’ rights and gender equality”, “[GENDER EQUALITY] does not mean that women and men have to become the same, but that their rights, responsibilities and opportunities will not depend on whether they are born male or female”. This quote most certainly applies to freedom of expression. In a lot of our societies, men are “expected” to be macho and super masculine. We fail to recognize that nature makes everyone unique and news flash! we’re not all insanely masculine, or at least not all the time. We have low points, sad moments and lonely days too. This idea of men appearing weak when they cry or express themselves by writing their feelings into a journal is appalling. Writing poetry saved my mental health over the years in university and it still is, to be honest. I can’t imagine going through all that time without it and the reason is, I prefer to keep my struggles to myself. The truth is, that’s how a lot of us are. That doesn’t mean we don’t have great parents or friends to run to, it just means that some of us have chosen to trek our journeys alone. However, the reality is we’re only human and at some point, life is going to become overwhelming when you’re fighting it by yourself. A lot of times our society stifles this coping mechanism for men, as if men should be emotionless rocks.

Writing provided a support for me that no one else could’ve given. There was no judgement, there were no rumors or anyone trying to contribute useless advice. Because of how powerful this tool was, I was also able to overcome evil thoughts that would have led me to hurt myself or those closest to me.

In a 2018 article on gender affairs by Peta-gay Hodges (Jamaica Information Service), nearly 15% of Jamaican women experience violence from their male partner, and that flows into a 38% global statistic of murders of women committed by a male intimate partner (World Health Organization, 2017). Let’s face it, writing about your feelings will not take this number to zero, but it’s an effective first step. Finding ways to express your anger and other bottled up emotions may pacify a lot of the reckless, impulsive decisions you may make that would harm yourself or the people around you.

In an engrossing article by Kurt Smith on men and depression, some signs of depression as reported by their partners included:

• He gets mad easily.
• He isolates himself.
• He used to work out every day but doesn’t anymore.
• He’s drinking every day.
• He won’t get out of his pajamas.
• He wears the same clothes for days.

and the list goes on…

It is important we look out for signs like these in the men in our lives and really those who we encounter and can impact, because depressed men are normally unwilling to get help, or admit they need help. The article also stated that, “More than 6 million American men will have an episode of major depression this year, which is 7% of the male population. So depression in men really isn’t that rare — it’s just most often ignored and untreated.”

And guess what — this statistic is just for the US. What happens on a global scale?

We have continued to force this heightened expectation of masculinity on our boys and our men to a point where many become afraid of talking about their struggles with others or even writing about them. And now, we are facing a lot of negative effects from that kind of oppression. I am in no way justifying the harmful behaviors of men towards people in our society. However, I’m suggesting that we start to encourage our boys to read and write; encourage them to communicate their feelings with those they trust; show them love and teach them the importance of being kind. Let them know that life will not always be great and they may not always be fond of those around them or the things people choose to do, but it’s important that they allow people to exist however they want to in their own space. The household is where learning normally starts for a child. It is imperative everyone in this space instill proper principles and attitudes in our children, especially in our boys, in hope that one day we can have a global society where men don’t feel the need to murder their partners because of a relationship dispute. Women are certainly not exempted from committing this kind of violence because some do evil things too, but our boys and our men need our attention. They need encouragement and the freedom to feel strong, to express themselves with words and take control of their lives.

And a good place to start is by working on the mind.

And so, I’m excited to tell you guys that I’m currently in the process of publishing my first book, “Becoming a Butterfly”. It is an anthology of poems, and other forms of writing, on themes I believe we can all relate to. I’ll tell you guys more about it in a few weeks. However, I’m happy I have been given the opportunity to share my story, or at least a small part of it, to help others through theirs. I’ll also let you guys know the release date and where you can get it soon. I want to thank all the persons who have contributed to this process so far, the editors, formatters, my family and friends. I can’t wait for you guys to read it!

I hope you enjoyed the read. Thank you for checking in this week and remember to subscribe and share the platform for others to showcase their work! Also,

Be kind!

Cheers!